SELF: What steps have you taken to help your kids navigate this world? Melissa: If anything, I had a fear about not being accepted by Lewis’s family. I’ve tried to reassure Melissa that how I feel is all that matters and that she should tune out anything else, but I know it’s not that easy. Those have been the most challenging moments for me. Lewis: There have been times when Melissa expressed feelings about not fitting one of my family member’s image of who I should marry because she’s not Black. SELF: What has been the most challenging aspect of your interracial relationship thus far? But the challenges we deal with as a couple most often have more to do with the differences between our genders than the differences between our races-that is a completely different ball of wax. Melissa: I think that part of what initially attracted us to each other and what has sustained us through all of these years is our shared fundamental core values and the similar lenses through which we see the world. We pretty much see eye to eye on issues of race. Do you think the added layer of race exacerbates marital issues? We recognize the MLK holiday, Black History Month, and Juneteenth. Every Christmas Lewis’s mom bakes with our kids the same chocolate cake and apple pie that her mother used to make. Equally as important, we often consult Lewis’s mom and family about the history, traditions, and celebrations that are important to his side of the family.
#MATURE INTERRACIAL GAY PORN HOW TO#
We celebrate Chinese New Year and teach the kids how to make some traditional dishes. To the extent that I can, we keep the traditions and celebrations that were important to my grandparents. With each successive generation, some of my Chinese culture has become more diluted. I am a third-generation Chinese American. Melissa: Rather than “navigating” them, we happily celebrate our cultural differences and teach our kids customs and traditions as they have been taught to us. SELF: What are some of the cultural differences that you have noticed in your relationship?
We use these hurtful comments and experiences as teachable moments for our children. Melissa: Some of our son’s classmates have told him that he is not Chinese because of the way he looks and because he does not speak or understand fluent Chinese. SELF: Have you ever experienced-especially at this critical time-negative reactions to your marriage because of your races? Some days you can look back on history and see some strides that we have made, but then on far too many other days it sadly seems as if we have not moved forward even an inch toward equality and social justice for all. I still cannot believe that those rights were only very recently extended to the LGBTQ community. I cannot believe that we actually live in a world where a law or person could forcibly tell me who I can and cannot love or marry. So, yes, in that regard I would like to think that strides have been made. Melissa: If not for the Loving decision, Lewis and I might not be married, and our beautiful children would not be here today. Do you think interracial relationships have made strides? SELF: It’s been 53 years since the Loving decision granted people the right to marry interracially. As of 2016, 10.2% of married people living together were in interracial or interethnic relationships, according to the Pew Research Center-up from 7.4% in 2012.
Now interracial relationships are growing in number. Virginia struck down state bans on interracial marriage in 1967. The landmark Supreme Court case Loving v. He urged them to replace him with a Black candidate because, in part, he has “to be able to answer his Black daughter when she asks: What did you do?” It wasn’t too long ago that loving someone from a different racial background was a crime in this country. Then there’s Alexis Ohanian, husband to tennis great Serena Williams, who recently resigned from his seat on the Reddit board of directors. Rapper and talk show host Eve revealed on The Talk that she’s been having some uncomfortable conversations with her white husband. Actress Tika Sumpter, who is Black and engaged to a white man, tweeted that white people in relationships with Black people have a duty to fight racism on behalf of their partners. The celebrity world offers up plenty of examples. Interracial couples across the country are processing the current outcry for racial justice-and, in some cases, how it’s affecting their relationship.